I dont want everyone to think this is just a vent. Its not. It has a lesson, and one that I think the kids of America may appreciate. I sure know it could have helped me out a few times. Its one that I think many could use another opinion of, whether or not they fall into the category.
When you decide to do the dirty deed with someone, there are certain things that go along with that. Things that adults should take in to consideration, if you will.
1) The possibility of it creating a living being is pretty high up there.
Not going to get actual percentages, it matters not for this. Point is- That living being is pretty important. That living being is half you, half that person you decided to have some fun with, for whatever reason. Kind of like a contract. Both of you are supposed to pick up your end of that contract. Does that happen? Sometimes. Does it not happen? Yes, and quite often to the pain of other living contracts. This is a big enough issue in life that it managed to screw me up pretty good. Not that the contract creators didnt try for a period. They did, and one managed to stick around to fulfill most of her contract throughout childhood. The other part of that contract was really good at pretending for a few years. Until he created another contract that had more of his attention. I'll give you an idea- You know greys anatomy? The show? You know Lexi and Meredeth? Yeah. Im Meredeth. <----- No clue if I spelled that right. The difference is that Im not allowed to see my little sister because apparently I am such a screw up I cant be trusted. Wouldnt that take actual knowledge of my activities, not those based on when I was a 16 year old kid, partying and doing drugs with the person who deemed me unfit (i.e. co-creator)? Yeah, thats nice. "Ill party with ya when your a kid, but when I have my own kid, its done!" Wow. Thanks Dad.
^ See. Im pretty messed up! I have a ton of anger issues because of this, and I had no idea they were this bad until recently. Someone told me that when you turn 30, your world becomes more of a mess for a time. I am beginning to see why. Mom and Dad issues. Wont even go into the crap they did to each other through me, thats too much!
2) When that deed becomes a human, and you cant stand the co-creator anymore, you still have that little human. And it is not there for you to have only when you want, and no other time.
Yeah. Exactly. It matters not if you want to take that little human with you for the weekend, or go and party with your friends. You are supposed to be that little humans watchdog. You are supposed to put that little human above everything else, even your girlfriend that is closer in age to your tiny human. The beer and drugs and girl should be last. That tiny human needs you. Sober. Awake before noon. With food in the house. And something to do until you decide to get your hungover rear end up, at the VERY least. Not the drunk fighting with a girl barely old enough to buy alcohol on the weekends you decide you want to "see you kid". Sorry. Lasting effects, bro!
3) When you do have the tiny human, and you realize that you hate the tiny humans other creator, dont make the tiny human feel bad about it!
That is self explanatory, whether you know you are doing it or not. Calling the tiny humans co-creator names the whole weekend really just makes the tiny human feel like they have to choose sides depending on where they are at. It does nothing more. The tiny human has no control over their life, and they didnt split you and co creator up, didnt fight with co-creator, or YOU, or do anything but have the audacity to be born to two people who "did it". Tiny humans want to help. When they cant help a situation, they feel helpless. When they feel they are the cause of that situation, the helpless turns into depression. Yes, that is why we have kids being diagnosed as having depression all through childhood. I know this from experience. Its NOT their fault!
4) When you decide that you dont want tiny human to go home for christmas, at least do something with tiny human! Not just hang out all day with a bunch of druggies.
Yeah. We dont need to explain that one.
5) When that tiny human grows up, lives life, moves back home, and THEN you decide you want to be a dad, and then you want to be there, be prepared for a bit of resistance.
Sorry, you brought it on yourself. This is what happens when you ditch out on your kid for most of your life, and its caused walls to be built. Especially after someone else kind of took over the role, even if hes kind of a jerk too. At least he is "Papa" to your grandkids. At least he takes YOUR grandkids to ride 4 wheelers and dirt bikes. At least he picks YOUR grandkids up to go to practice. Thats what happens. Things change. Lives grow and are rebuilt.
6) When that not so tiny human calls you out of the blue to check on you, and just kinda chit chats about whats up- mainly life- maybe you shouldnt ask "what do you want?" because she hasnt called in awhile.
Maybe you should have been a bit nicer the last time instead of saying "Im going to trust you with this money for your kids savings accounts. I hope it gets in, and I want a receipt.", huh? Maybe you should trust in that she is an honorable parent, unlike her co-creator over there. Maybe you shouldnt show up out of the blue with money for your grandkids accounts, when you have to bribe your grandkids to come to you with a bag of candy. Good thing to teach them, BTW.
7) When the not so tiny human replies "nothing. Just checking on you."-
Maybe you shouldnt try to make it out like she is asking for money. Even when she wasnt asking for money. Maybe that is your guilty conscious coming out. Maybe you shouldnt have quit jobs the whole time the tiny human was growing up so that you didnt have to have child support taken out, huh? Guilt sucks.
8) When that not so tiny human decides to sever all ties with you because you arent allowed to talk to her when your "new" family is around, as apparent by "Im on days off right now, call me on the 16th" text-
Dont feel sorry for yourself. You did it to yourself. You chose to push that tiny human away for so long, there will never be trust or faith in you. You did it to yourself. Try not to screw the new one up, will ya? The not so tiny human has a feeling her little sister will want something to do with her when she can get away from you, provided you havent brainwashed her against the redheads.
And with that, I offer one and all a valuable lesson.
Dont co-create a kid with someone if you cannot take the time to ensure it is raised how you want, so that when you talk smack on her, you can actually say the things you say, and mean it in some sense. At least take the time to know that kid enough to be able to assume they are not honorable or that they are out to get you with some form of surety. Just saying things based on your own failures is scrooge-like and makes you look really sad and pitiful.
OH! And before you criticize the not so tiny humans six pack a week, make sure you look at your 12 pack and pint of cheap whiskey a night habit first. Just saying :)