I often look at my family and just watch. See how they interact with one another, how they help each other, and how they DONT. My family is not perfect. Nope, and I refuse to let it become perfect. Its GREAT! My family is nothing short of AWESOME! I take great pride in the fact that I was the second biggest contributor to it. :) We all know who I think is first, so I wont mention that. My kids are great. For all of the ups and downs that we have had over the years, they really are. I know of some kids who would hate their parents for what my kids have had to go through. For that I am eternally sorry, but, at the same time, I know that these trials are what made us as strong as we are, and as close as we are.
I am by no means an easy mother. I am hard on them at times, and I am always making them answer me as to the why. I dont let them play the "I dont know" card. Yes, you do know why, you just dont want me to know why, or you think "I just wanted to" is not an acceptable answer. "I just wanted to" is the most honest answer a kid can give you, just dont tell them you know that, lol. I have to, of course, make them give me the details as to why they "just wanted to", but they do have it in them. Usually its "just to see what would happen". Honest answer #2. Kids are inquisitive. Just try to keep an eye on them while they are trying to torch the tonka truck with the tikki lamp oil. <--- Bad example, I know. For the most part, I trust my oldest two kids. They have already been through much of the experimental as far as fire, bombs (fire crackers), medications that might be candy, and others that you spend around 5 five years talking, scolding, fearing them about. We have been there AND done that.
I also yell. I am a yeller. I cant always help this, though I try. My kids are well versed on Moms "Im sorry I yelled at you, but" speech. Thats another thing- There is never a shortage of apologies in our home. Sometimes the best way to hash something is to say "Im sorry." If someone feels like you know you did a wrong, they find it easier to talk to you, and they will almost always forgive rather quickly. It opens the door for other issues that need hashed out.
Here is an issue that I dont know how to fix. Heres the deal:
My son has an issue with this kid. He has been calling him names, gotten him in trouble for things he didnt do, and basically has made my son miserable. I have contacted the school, the kids parents, and also the police. He almost had my son labeled a bully his first week at this school, and almost succeeded based on the fact that my son is alot bigger than him. My son is a friend seeker, a sweety, and doesnt ever just attack someone, physically or in any other way. This isnt me, this is the other school he went to, his teachers at this school since we moved here, and every other staff. I get told every time I see a school employee "how much I love your kids! They are great!"
Well, nothing has curbed this kids taunts. It started when he walked home with my son after I told him and the kid at the school that he couldnt come over after school that day. The kid came along anyway, and my son as soon as they walked in the door said "I told him, Mom. He wouldnt stay there." So, kid tells me he cant get in the door to his house till his mom gets home. So, I told him to call her. He needed to go home or whatever, we had plans. I handed him the phone, and he called her and said "Can I stay here, Mom?" to which she said yes, hadnt even talked to him or me yet. I made him call her back. I told her that he was supposed to call her and have her come and get him, he was told repeatedly not to come over. She came and got him, and the little butt head was lying to his mother right there in front of me. I lost it. Problems started the next day. With repeated "Come over here to my house, Jake, we need to talk." at 8pm, dark outside. Calling ME to ask for Jake. Little kid has issues with the word no.
1 year later, almost to the day- Yesterday my son went to the park with his little sister. While he was there, the kid showed up with another kid in the same class as him and my son. The kid went up to my son, punched him several times in the gut (where he had emergency surgery barely a year ago), and when my son (who knows my rule: You dont start it EVER, but you better finish it and stand up for yourself!) turned the tables and punched that kid in the gut and back, while and after repeatedly asking him to stop (I will listen to my daughter who was there and saw the whole thing, trying to help her brother), and when he backed off and tried to leave, the other kid in his class, who is bigger than my son, jumped in on it, and the two of them attacked my kid together. Two against one, with my teeny daughter trying to help her brother, unsuccessfully.
The words when they got home had me so full of pride that I wanted to cry: "Mom, I did what you said- I didnt start it but I tried to finish it, until the other kid stepped in and got me down." Me- "Ok, talk. What happened?" My daughter- "Mom, I saw the whole thing, and I tried to help him, but they were too big. J(the kid we have had problems, no names) started hitting Jake, and Jake kept asking him to stop. Finally, Jake nailed him in the gut, and then turned him around and punched him in the back. When we started leaving, the big kid hit Jake in his back and then kicked him to the ground. Then they both started punching him."
I dont advocate violence as a way to deal with issues. I do advocate my children defending themselves and their family from an attack. As we all know, there is only so much walking away you can do to someone who is bent on hurting you. Thats the way it goes. What I want to know is: How do you get a kid that is purposefully trying to cause your child harm to stop, after every other channel has been exhausted? I have talked to the school, I talked to the kids parents (the mom last night wanted to "get the together to hash it out because it has to stop", and hasnt called me yet (Imagine that!)), the cops. What do I do? My son is not going to spend his days scrapping two kids because one has a bone to grind.
This seems to be the way of things, and thats what is bringing on another probably long point. Who has the right to purposefully hurt anyone? Who has the right to step into someones live to only inflict pain and hurt? And, once this happens, what is the best way to go about making it stop? If you fight back, you are just as guilty. But sometimes that is the only way to protect yourself. If you call someone else that is supposed to help when something like this happens, a whole array of things may happen. 1) You become "the rat". 2) It doesnt do anything anyway. 3) The other person just gets angrier, and justifies the issue at hand even more... If not others.
What is the proper way to defend yourself in a non-offensive manner? How do you make your point known, get others to back off, and walk away knowing the problem is solved without the violence or screaming match? Can anyone answer me that? This is where the issue lies.
This goes right along with my faith. I have belief in something. So, I am naturally, in some peoples eyes, a violent christian because that is my faith. I believe in my God And Savior, Jesus Christ. I also have other opinions of it all, but that is where the basis lies. I dont go out of my way to harm anyone. I did, however, get into a mosh pit for my birthday, but it was a mutual display, and everyone in there was there for the same reason, we all had fun, and most of us became very close friends for the span of the show. We did it to vent frustrations, get an adrenaline rush, and feel really big and buff for a minute. And there were many "Man, you whupped me!" and things, handshakes, high-fives, and beers exchanged between us all. We had a blast, and every bruise we acquired was well worth it. Our muscles aching and my twisted ankle were well worth it. And I feel... Better.
Thats my point- Maybe we need something to do? I exerted a ton of energy, irritation, aggravation, and it felt GOOD. The next day the beast and I were chuckling our little heads off about it, telling one another how good it felt. Giving one another compliments on "our destruction". And, I have a peace within me that is huge at the moment.
It doesnt have to be a mosh pit, but the whole lack of exercise and activity that we have in this country is killing us. Not only health wise, but mentally as well. We need activity! As an animal, we are supposed to be ACTIVE!
Repeat after me: "Exercise create endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people dont kill people!!" And its true, too.
So, this article is one of many things- Happiness, aggression, helplessness, family, love, consideration, fellowship, and trust. It all ties together because these are the feelings that make us who we are on an individual basis. BUT, we all have them. And, as such, we all have the ability to come to some form of agreement of where "enough" lies. We all have the ability to make the anger against someone disappear, we just choose to let the anger get the best of us, and we are all guilty of doing it. This is where forgiveness comes in. It takes less energy better spent on other things to forgive, than to hurt someone.
What I really want to find an answer to is how to defuse a situation with words- NICE words - that WORKS? And I mean REALLY works? Not only for my son, but for everyone? What is a codeword that means Peace to everyone? What is one thing that will trigger at least a spark of passion in someone? I know it is a reaching question, but I think it is one that needs analyzed.
I also really want to know how we can get everyone up and MOVING. I think that we are turning into really bored puppies- If you dont get enough activity and exercise, you will start destroying things to make up for it." I honestly believe that. So, "How Do We Achieve This" is my question, no matter how hard answer is- I think we can do these things, IF we start changing our mentality to ACTIVITY. HEALTHY activity.