Today is quite a day. Quite a day indeed. Just found out I may be a step mama to a 10 year old. Not sure yet, apparently there is definite reason to believe it is true, as well as reason to believe its not.
I just gotta ask- Does someone (who I have heard, but not seen for myself as I havent met her, is crazy) wait 10 years to get ahold of someone, saying that their child is that persons child, if it isnt? I hear from my sister in law that she was a bit nuts and was basically stalking the beast in those days, and the beast says they only had sex once, but two days later she said she was pregnant, to which he didnt believe at the time. They only had sex once, but that doesnt mean a baby wasnt made. I have reservations due to her telling him she was pregnant two days later, and I doubt highly the beast is lying as he told me of this girl a few years ago, and his story hasnt changed. He isnt completely denying it, but doesnt want to put himself in a position to be taken advantage of, and understandably so.
Heres the issue I am having currently. Its up to him to get ahold of her, as his sister has "washed her hands of the deal", so to speak. Which is good, considering she was telling me that she wasnt going to give him the lady's phone number not two hours ago. I am terrified that he isnt going to call. I feel that he owes it to me, his kids, and that little boy if it is his. I was raised by a guy who ditched me off, and I dont want to be in love with a guy who could have kid and not care enough to find out for sure.
Not to mention the ladies mention of "I dont want anything, dont care if he wants to see him, I just need a medical history." I feel that she may be needing something for medical necessity, and if this child doesnt get it, something bad could happen. I dont want to live with that, thats for sure. As a mother, I really want to call the lady myself, only I have no way to do so, I dont know her or her name or anything. I also know it isnt my place, but I want to make sure that the kid is ok, ya know?
So- Me being me. I called and told the beast that his sister is trying to make decisions he needs to make for him. He told me we both need to quit. I am trying to be his advocate, and surely I didnt drag myself in, they all started calling me at 6:30 this fine a.m. I dont want to push him, but this not-knowing is kinda bugging me, and him not telling me if he is even going to do anything about it is kinda bugging me more. I guess change freaks me out. And this is not a small change. Its HUGE. One that has the potential to cause huge changes in my life, and that also makes it my business.
I gotta hand it to the beast. He let me know about it ASAP. He even acknowledged on the phone that it was possible. Not a huge possibility, but a possibility none-the-less. That means that there is a kid that could have two sisters in my house, and a kid that would be absolutely welcome if thats the case.
What is really getting to me- His sister is bound and determined that that kid CANNOT be the beasts. All based on whatever she thinks she knows. The beast tells me he had sex with her, which tells me its his obligation to find out. If she really feels it is, a paternity test is in order, and she should have no problem with this. If she is honorable like she says she is, she should have no problem talking to me, before the beast, if he gives me the number his sister agreed to give him. His sister should not be trying to convince me and him it cant be his kid, when she didnt have sex to create it. I should be the one worried, not her. He should be the one worried, not her. But, inevitably, by nightfall, I will be the bad guy. All because I want him to be the adult and do the right thing.
I think I have legitimate reason to be alarmed and worried, and freaking out. After all, this is my family. If that child is his, that means I am adding one more. Which is fine. Im actually kind of holding out hope that it is his kid because he really wanted a biological son, and I was unable to provide one for him. I am kind of scared that he will love that boy more than our boy, but Im not so sure about that. He's known our boy since he was 6. Hes raised him. This one will be one he has to get to know as an older lad, and I think it may not be that big an impact on their relationship. I hope, anyway.
I really dont know what to do. I am at a crossroads, and I want a little bit of surety one way or the other, so I can prepare us for this, or not. If it isnt his kid, no harm done. But if it is, OMG! My beast has a son! And I am a step mama. Wow. Talk about unplanned kid, lol. I know I can love this kid like he's mine. I know that we can be a good family for him. But, I also know how the beast is. He's a big kid, and change scares him worse than anything.
AHHH! Freaking out now. Dont know what to do. I can see both sides, and I cant/wont judge woman I dont know. I cant/wont judge a woman based on someone else, until I have the chance to hear her side of things.
And I also know what the beast was like then. I have told him several times that he and I would be together if I had known him pre-prison.